E.K. NATION

The death of the great southpaw Warren Spahn shall give us time to reflect on what being a pitcher used to be. He completed well over half of his 665 starts and once threw 201 pitches in a game, that in the classic 16-inning duel between he and the Giants' Juan Marichal in 1963. Every year he was good for 35-40 starts and even five relief appearances too. His 363 wins were the most ever by a lefty and were all compiled after his 25th birthday. He pitched seven shutouts when he was 42 years old. And that leg kick. He pitched until he was 46. I would have loved being a Giants fan in 1965 when they picked him up for half of a season. I would have loved to see him throw. Sure would be nice if pitchers were expected to go the distance every time these days.

It would be nice if Boston and Milwaukee saw two days of rain this week.

Smash, please: That's the kind of football I liked seeing. Last night's hit on Amani Toomer by Tampa Bay's Dwight Smith was simply a great moment of football. Not only was it a spectacular hit, knocking Toomer's helmet off, but it also broke up a touchdown, which the Giants could not complete in that possession. Great stuff.

I blame the Portland Trail Blazers management more than anyone for the travesty that's going on in the Rose Garden these days.

I keep thinking about The Pledge. And how the Blazers' brass has failed monumentally to live up to it. The recent Bonzi Wells mess has been the prime example. The Blazers desire, says The Pledge,

[t]o challenge every obstacle that would prevent us from taking quick and authoritative action for any behavior that compromises our expectation of our players acting responsibly at all times.

Wells in the past few games has, among other things, flipped off a fan and gone on a courtside tirade against Coach Cheeks. So they suspended him for two games and took away his co-captaincy. But how could he have ever been a co-captain in the first place? Well, I guess when Rasheed Wallace and Damon Stoudamire are the other co-captains, you can see what kind of standards are set for that post. Said Steve Patterson,

We will hold players responsible for their behavior and we believe this is the appropriate course of action at this time.

That's it? How much longer will Wells be embarrassing Portlanders with his behavior and getting off with such light sanctions? No, the real appropriate measure would have been to Keyshawn Bonzi's ass. Then maybe we'll be free of distractions and will be able to beat Miami by more than one lousy stinking point, for Chrissakes.

I find myself rooting for the team to lose and for fans to continue not showing up for games. Maybe the management will get the message soon. Attendance is down to 15,000 recently, and entire sections have been left completely empty. For anyone familiar with Blazer basketball in the Rose City, this is unimaginable. This team used to be so loved by the people in this city. I guess we thought that was because it was the only game in town, but now we know that's not the reason.

We used to have guys we could respect. Maurice Lucas, Jim Paxson, Clyde Drexler, Terry Porter, Jerome Kersey, etc. For the most part they were nothing but strong pillars in the community and set great examples. Now we have punk-ass bitches whose sick exploits overshadow the tough play of the younger guys like Zach Randolph. The Blazer brass needs to take a bold step and dump not only Bonzi but Rasheed and Damon, and then say, no more fucking up, because this is what you will get.

Sammy Says Pujols Should Have Won: I think Sammy Sosa's saying Albert Pujols deserved the MVP was simply a matter of him sticking up for a fellow Dominican and continuing the stupid culture of hate against Barry Bonds. There's no way in hell anyone deserved the award over Barry.

And I think Barry should fill up one hand with his five previous MVP rings, and place his newly-acquired sixth one onto his middle finger, and show it to everyone who dogs him. He's the best player that ever was, and you don't dog a guy for that.

Zebras Love The Lakers: After last night's debacle of a game between the Lakers and Knicks, in which the Lake Show got to shoot 47 free-throws to the Knicks' whopping six, any subsequent comment about how the referees in the Association do not favor the Lakers will be dismissed with a quick "Get the hell on up out my face, loco!"

Nobody, and I mean nobody, not even Albert Pujols, comes close to affecting a major league baseball game the way Barry Bonds does. Right when a Bonds at-bat is over, managers and pitchers start thinking about his next one. Pujols had a great year, yes, but he should finish second again. Barry Bonds dominated the sport for a third straight year.

Voting comes in in about an hour from this posting. We shall see...

I don't want to call them "rants" anymore. I'll let Dennis Miller have that one unfettered by me.

American Music Awards: I didn't see it. But I can tell you how totally lame it was, simply by reading the list of winners. Fleetwood Mac won Best Pop Rock Group? What, did Wings not have an album out this year? Or Starland Vocal Band?

I guess it doesn't even matter when you last performed. Aaliyah, who died two-and-a-half years ago, won Female R&B Artist. And Kid Rock, who if he hasn't died yet probably may soon, won Male Pop-Rock Artist. Said Mr. Rock:

I'm a rapper, when it comes down to it. That's what I started out as, that's what I'll always be...I'm just cheating on my girlfriend over there with rock 'n' roll and country and whatnot.

Oh, you are sneaky, man!!

And Britney Spears won Most Overrated Person In The Solar System. This...

...is not hip. This girl still does the same routine over and over and over, and they let her do it even though she simply can not sing. And how ironic is the song title "Me Against The Music"? Yes, it truly is an offense against music. Did you see the Saturday Night Live that Halle Berry hosted? If you did, you saw two songs "performed"; one song, a wistful ballad, was marred by at least a dozen bad notes--I stopped counting after that; it was only halfway done--and one song was horrifically lip-synched while she did her freakishly outdated dance moves. Note to "singers": When you are the musical guest on a show, the least you can do is sing the songs you're performing. (That episode is going to be rerun this Saturday, in case you missed it.)

I long for that three-month stretch back in 1998 or so, when Much Music, Canada's version of MTV, played Britney's Catholic-school-girl-uniform-laden "Baby...One More Time" video before American audiences caught on and I seemed to be the only person I knew who knew who Britney Spears was. She was my own personal fantasy. I didn't know she sucked, and I had not a care in the world. All I knew was that she was the cutest thing ever. Aaahhhh, Britney. I hardly knew ye. I've moved on. Not even the Veterans Committee will let you into the E.K. Sports Hot Girl Hall of Fame. You can't just be hot; you have to have some sort of discernible talent. I've been in karaoke bars with more talent than Britney has.

Karaoke bars: Here's the rule: I don't mind if you can't sing. Just stop if you see people covering their ears.

Another rule: No "Summer Nights". Ever. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.

The Holiday Season: First of all, it's still November, but I saw some Christmas decorations up last month. I'm barely getting used to the clock change and the world getting dark at 5. I'm not even close to getting into holiday mode.

Second, when the bleach-blonde newscaster tells you that the holiday season has "Officially Started", she is lying to you. There is no "official start" to the holiday season. There isn't even an official holiday season, period. Do yourself a favor. Don't put up any wreaths or lights until it's at least December, okay?

Barry Bonds has opted out of MLB's licensing agreement. Basically this means he won't be on baseball cards created by Topps, Donruss, Upper Deck, or any of the other companies, in their regular yearly sets. He won't be in video games anymore. Look for a left-handed outfielder on the Giants' roster in Triple Play 2005 with huge statistical attributes and the last name "Player".

God Help California: And I don't even believe in God. But starting today, Ahhh-nold is the new governor of California. And you thought the fires and storms were trouble.

During the baseball off-season this may not be much of a coherent, focused blog. I may talk about sports, the Avalanche, the NCAAs, the NFL, what have you. But without the Giants doing anything, I'm, probably not going to be as active sportstalk-wise. So I have some non-sports-related rants to go off on.

Widescreen vs. Full Screen: When it started about seven years ago, the DVD industry, I thought, was going to change the way people watch movies. A much better picture, no decline in quality through repeated viewings—you’d have to scratch the disk before it lost any quality—and, best of all, I thought it would finally introduce the concept of letterboxing, or widescreen, to the average moviegoer.

True enough, for several years, it was difficult to find a DVD that did not have the widescreen presentation on it. You could just walk into the store, find the title you wanted, grab it, take it home, and assume that the letterbox version would pop up on your screen.

Not anymore. The pan-and-scan people have pushed the industry back into the Dark Ages. Now, you have to actually search for DVDs with the widescreen presentation on them. But that’s not the problem.

The problem is, why do people still insist on watching the full-frame versions of movies?

Is it that these people just need to see their TV screen filled up completely? Are they bothered by the black borders at the top and bottom of the screen? If that is the case, why aren’t they bothered by the top and bottom edges of movie screens?

Do they think these borders are actually covering up the top and bottom of the movie image, thereby obscuring half of what’s visually available in the film? Worse yet: Do they think their TVs are actually broken when the letterbox version comes on?

I recently saw a big display case with stacks of The Matrix: Reloaded DVDs at Circuit City. And yep, most of them were full-frame editions. Why would anyone want to see a version of The Matrix with half of the frame completely chopped off? Wouldn’t you want to see the complete image as the directors intended? Why would you want to miss half the movie with the fullscreen version?

I don’t get it.

Another thing I don’t get? People who still buy/rent videotapes. Have you just decided not to move forward in life? Videotapes are fine for recording shows at home. But for movies? Can’t you find out what the DVD thing is all about?

Kate Faber: Recognize this name? You should. She’s the accuser in the Kobe Bryant rape trial. Why her name has not been publicized more is a mystery. I’ve always been told that rape is a crime of violence and is never the woman’s fault. If that’s the case, she should feel no shame.

As of right now, the biggest victim in this case, until (and if) Kobe Bryant is found guilty in a court of law, is Kobe Bryant himself. Why is it that we have no trouble in this society proclaiming that a man accused of rape is guilty before the trial even starts? Bryant's name is being trashed. And if he is found not guilty, he'll still be proclaimed guilty in the eyes of certain people. And I'm guessing Kate Faber's name will disappear in a cloud of whatever Patricia Bowman left behind. Or maybe behind that blue dot.

Cell Phones: Okay, okay, there was a time when only the richest of the rich had phones they carried around with them. And maybe people felt that they were showing off. But now, everyone has one (except my parents). They’re needed, if only as handy trouble-shooters in roadside emergencies.

Who out there still gets mad at people who talk on their cell phones in public places? Is it any different from talking to a person sitting next to you in the flesh?

Children’s Names: Simply put, if I see one more little boy with a name like Braden or Connor or Kolton or Laken or Logan or Matson or Reilly, I will have to throw up. Also, if you name your child Zachary, spell it that way. Do not spell it Zackery. If you do, I will think you are stupid. I truly believe that a certain famous athlete’s name was supposed to be Anthony Hardaway but his mom just had no idea how to spell it.

The egregious girls’ names that fall into the same category of puke-inducing monikers include Madison, Parker, Taylor, and Hunter, and the 1-2 punch of McKenzie and McKenna, sometimes seen as Mackenna or Makena. What, pray tell, is up with this?

Coffee: Coffee is simply a beverage made from beans. It is NOT worth talking about 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The $4 you spend on lattes every day, out of all the minor daily expenses people incur, is the single worst waste of money on the planet. Also, lattes have as much fat as a Big Mac. Just so you know.

If you work at a Starbucks, you are not a barista. You are the person behind the counter. And what is this short and tall shit anyway? They are small and large, you Stipe-ian twit.

Carmen Electra, Pam Anderson and Denise Richards: Come on, now. Are there really guys out there who think these are the hottest chicks on the planet? Is that really the best we have to offer? What is this, 1995? You guys can’t come up with anyone hotter? We here at E.K. Sports prefer our women to not look like they were made at the Mattel plant. Consult E.K. Sports Hot Girl Hall Of Fame for those truly deserving of attention (more names and pics to come in the future).

Here they are, kids: Introducing E.K. Sports' 2004 NCAA Tournament Roll Call!

Alabama State, Arizona, Arizona State, Auburn, BYU, California, Cincinnati, College of Charleston, Colorado State, Connecticut, Coppin State, Duke, Fairfield, Florida, Florida State, Georgetown, Georgia State, Gonzaga, Hawaii, Holy Cross, Illinois, Indiana-Purdue, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, LSU, Louisville, Marquette, Maryland, Miami-FL, Michigan State, Mississippi State, Missouri, Murray State, North Carolina, NC-Wilmington, Northern Illinois, Notre Dame, Ohio State, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, Providence, Purdue, Richmond, St. Joseph's, Southern Illinois, Stanford, Syracuse, Temple, Texas, Texas-Arlington, Texas Tech, Utah, Utah State, Vermont, Virginia, Wake Forest, Weber State, Western Kentucky, Winthrop, Wisconsin, Wisconsin-Green Bay, Xavier.

THE FINAL FOUR:

THE FINAL:

OVER

I was 9-5 last week, making me 50-30 for the year. Me winning isn't, you do.

Atlanta over N.Y. Giants

Pittsburgh over Arizona

Washington over Seattle

Carolina over Tampa Bay

Jacksonville over Indianapolis

Cincinnati over Houston

Chicago over Detroit

Tennessee over Miami

Cleveland over Kansas City

Minnesota over San Diego

N.Y. Jets over Oakland

Buffalo over Dallas

Baltimore over St. Louis

And...Get The Score Exactly Right On Monday Night Football:

23 20

Jose Cruz Jr. won a Gold Glove.